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What’s a clever way to tell you I’m pregnant? Because I don’t have one.

I have been trying to think of something to say about this development for months. I got nothing. Now I’m getting to the point where I’m going to actually have the baby soon. Soonish. Tomorrow. Just kidding. Actually I’m due pretty much around Christmas, which was poor timing on our part.

Of course the baby could come earlier or later, which people really enjoy solemnly reminding me. I don’t know what they’re talking about. I paid extra in shipping and handling to have this custom-order baby arrive exactly on time and if it doesn’t show at the appointed hour there will be hell for some unfortunate customer service agent to pay.

Anyway I thought I should say something before it actually comes. This is it. I’m as disappointed as you are.

Why did I wait so long? I don’t know. It wasn’t important that it remain a secret, I just didn’t know how to go about sharing it in a way that felt genuine. Plus, you know, this kind of news is hard for some and I hate that. I hate how unfair that is.

What else? I do not plan on being all baby all the time, but I imagine it will become a popular conversation topic around these parts. I totally get if you can’t or don’t want to follow along.

Okay. That’s it. Thanks. I’m sorry. Thank you. I’m very sorry. I’ll be going now, as I have eight weeks left until this thing is supposed to arrive and have bought literally nothing for it yet. It’s kind of uhhh a busy time around here, like cramming all night before a final. But with fewer stimulants.

Too few stimulants, in my professional opinion.


I would prefer a margarita swimming pool for Christmas, personally

Image credit: “DRINK” from the Point of View series by Beth Hoeckel, mixed media collage // bethhoeckel.com

16 Responses to “enter title here”

  1. Ohhhhh! Congratulations! You are officially amazing at keeping a secret. xxoo

  2. Lyyyyyyyyynnnnnnnnnn!!!!! This was a very good announcement, in my opinion. Congratulations!

  3. Holy Fuck! Is what I wanted to say on twitter, but you know family judgment via twitter for the use of profanity isn’t worth the fight. Do you know the sex?
    In addition to a whole host of other stuff I imaginary dread about imaginary pregnancy, I can’t fathom how to tell people. It just seems awkward. My Mom made my Dad tell HER parents – yeah I’m sure it was less awkward for him.

    • We do know the sex but we are keeping it to close family/friends for now. And it’s really awkward telling people! I told my parents on Skype and I thought I was going to throw up. I think a lot of it is just your individual personality — some people handle attention/excitement with grace and ease and sincerity. I handle it by fleeing, essentially. That’s hilarious that your mom made your dad say something — I should have thought of that!

  4. Completely inconsiderate to not keep the Internet informed on the state of your uterus. Come on, now.

    That said, you are going to be an excellent mom. How exciting!

    • Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence! It seems crazy to think I have to PARENT — hopefully I’m half as good as you!

  5. Best baby announcement ever? I think so. I look forward to hearing what you might have to say about this whole experience. Also, excited a cool lady such as yourself is having a kid. Yay!

  6. Congratulations! This could never not be excellent news! Although, yes, updating people on the status of inhabitation of one’s uterus is never not a bit awkward. But seriously excellent news aside, my word, I am in awe of your ability to hold your cards to your chest. I’ve been blathering about this shit for months! I could use some of your restraint. I’m very excited to read what you have to say about new motherhood, though, so I certainly don’t mind it becoming a popular conversation topic round these parts. Hope you’re doing well & good luck with the home stretch to baby’s arrival.

    • I think after all you’ve been through you deserve to shout about it from the rooftops! Get on with your bad self, and thanks!

  7. enter enthusiastic, supportive, happily surprised comment here

  8. You don’t need clever words for this one. It’s wonderful news, although I’m sorry you don’t get to have a drink to celebrate….

  9. Do you know, I read your post on the shampoo bottle the other day and god knows why I made that connection, but I thought, Huh. Hmm. I wonder. I guess because things like that became really annoying to me at the end of my pregnancy. New shampoo, new bag of flour, new hair ties, ready for the baby (!?)

    Anyway congratulations, truly. I am totally with you on the holding out sharing this news, I did the same thing on my blog for the exact same reasons. But I am so thrilled for you Lyn. I look forward to witty baby life posts 🙂 something I have failed at.

  10. Massive congratulations! Fantastic news! I too am pregnant, due fairly soon after Christmas and if one more person says to me ‘it could come early you know’ I won’t be held responsible for my actions.
    And like you we haven’t told a lot of people. I find the whole process of breaking the news just so damn awkward. I’m pleased to know that it’s not just me who struggles with it, I had previously assumed it was just further evidence of what a freak I can be at times. People seemed to think I was really weird for not flashing our scan photos at them at every available opportunity. I just couldn’t get my head round showing people a photograph of my uterus. I don’t like showing people photos of my face so why I’d want to show them my internal organs is beyond me.
    Anyway, good luck with the next couple of months! Hope all goes well.

    • Congratulations to you as well! Christmastime babies. And I’m with you on the sharing aspect. I wish I was better and more open about it but I just find it mortifying. I hope you are feeling well during these last few weeks!

  11. Huge congratulations! Such exciting news. I also think this might be one of the best ways of telling people you’re pregnant.

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