mark strays outside his comfort zone

This is the second entry in a series I tentatively titled What fuckery is this and then got too lazy to change it. Plus the first post was well over a year ago, so I don’t even know if I can call this a series. It’s more like um… an infrequent dabbling. Anyhoo, the deal is that here is where I riff on some clothing photos I have found online. 

This one was from the Urban Outfitters “Urban Renewal Vintage” line, for which they apparently purchase thrifted clothes and resell them at a 3,749,295% markup. The item’s description: “Crazy awesome vintage moto leather jacket from the 1990s. Topped with hand-painted punk logos at like Sex Pistols and Crass.”

It’s currently for sale for the low low price of $375.00 plus tax.

I’m so disillusioned. Why couldn’t I land a J. Crew gig instead? I’ve always wanted to land a gig with J. Crew. Mom always said I had a J. Crew build. I wonder when my mustache is going to come in? I’ve always wanted a mustache. I think it would go great with a classic cable-knit v-neck, maybe rebooted in a nice on-trend royal blue. Mom always said I look good in the royal colors.

Why does this photographer keep telling me to give him a Sid Vicious sneer? I don’t even know what a Sid is. Is that like a disease? Is that disease slang? I should wash my hands after this just to be sure.

These jeans have weird crotch creases in them. I feel so dirty. Can I take this jacket off now? It smells like it spent the last 20 years nailed above the urinal in a bar bathroom. I can’t wait to take an hour-long shower and put my tie back on.

I need to text mom, I think I’m going to be late for the spaghetti social. The garlic bread is going to be cold!!! 🙁

3 Responses to “mark strays outside his comfort zone”

  1. I would much rather have infrequent fuckery dabbling than no fuckery at all.

    (if this comment gets through your spam filter, shame on it)

    Nothing says “crazy awesome leather jacket, man” more than some cheeky plastic buttons over one’s heart.

  2. bahahahahahahahaha!
    He does look like he’s about to cry… We should send some of these weeny kids to the 80s in a time machine to toughen them up a little.

  3. I saw this jacket the other day (was it you that linked it?) and just couldn’t comprehend the silliness of an Urban Outfitters “anarchy” jacket. Also, I vaguely recall that you could order more than one which would mean that it’s not in fact vintage at all which makes the whole thing even more preposterous. Ugh. Hate.

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