I’m going to be a bridesmaid next year, you guys. First time ever. Always a bride, never a bridesmaid, was my problem. Until now.
I feel so proud and excited. I’m going to be in a wedding party! That’s a rite of passage, right? It’s special. You get to sit or stand in certain places and perform certain rituals. Just like having a baby. Speaking of which, another friend is having a baby. The first baby and the first wedding in my personal circle of close friends. 2012 is the year, you guys. The year of weddings and babies. The year my people all finally grow up, apparently. The year shit gets real.
You know what hasn’t grown up? Me. Some part of me, deep inside, is still twelve years old. Because some part of me, deep inside, is angry that my friend getting married has been stolen away by her fiance.
What? I know. I KNOW. Look. I get it. She hasn’t really been “stolen.” She clearly agreed to go along with the whole thing from day one. She’s pleased as a bowl of bourbon-soaked cherries that she’s found her person of choice. And I’m happy as as a cup of vodka-steeped cranberries that she met someone so nice, so kind, so thoughtful, so caring, and so responsible. I know her past. I know her previous nine-year relationship with someone who was all kinds of wrong for her. This fiance of hers is the lucky lotto ticket of relationships. I’m truly thrilled for them.
AND STILL. Ever since they moved in together, it’s like they fell off the ends of the earth. I realize this is the stereotype for coupled-ups. I understand that they are supposed to rush home every night to cuddle on the couch, gazing deeply into each others’ eyes. I get that. And then part of me wants to duck into the washroom to have a quick dry-heave over the toilet bowl. Really? You only want to see each other? How disgusting is that? You see each other all the time. SERIOUSLY. You LIVE together. Every night it’s the same face. Aren’t you tired of it yet? There’s a whole other world with whole other people, right outside your door!
I guess I’m a little warped. I was never the sentimental type to begin with. When the beau and I met, I gave him the don’t argue on forming any kind of official relationship for months [SIDEBAR: and then I wondered why he seemed so distant and impersonal! Ahahahaha!]. Even after we finally gave ourselves the “dating” stamp of approval, all of our social activities revolved around our friends. The beau and I rarely had a night alone. And so it stayed until our friends dropped off slowly, one by one, either by coupling up or moving away. And now we hang out alone only because no one else seems to be available to be our pals anymore.
Again, this is expected for people our age. Many of us have relationships, some of us already have kids. We’re all supposed to be incredibly busy living our own individual lives. But I still deeply miss having a person I can call on any given night and say, What’s up. Wanna hang?
Why do we lose that? Why can’t we seem to get that back?
And so I know my anger is about me. I don’t want to be left behind. I don’t like knowing that I’ve been dropped to the very bottom of her priority list. It would be easier to handle if I felt like she made a real effort every once in a while to meet up with me, but 70% of the times we talk about hanging out don’t end up panning out on her end, for one reason or another. We were supposed to meet for lunch or drinks this afternoon, but then she was busy, and she never got back to me. And we couldn’t meet tonight, of course, because she and her person were having dinner and a movie, oh god kill me now. As if you don’t have dinner and watch movies all the other nights of the week.
Selfish? Hell yeah. I am being a selfish, arrogant brat. I am rolling on the floor, kicking and screaming that SHE WAS MY FRIEND FIRST GIVE HER BACK WAHHHH. I don’t want to do that to our relationship. I especially don’t want to affect anything between us in the months leading up to her wedding, in which I AM A BRIDESMAID, LEST I’VE FORGOTTEN. I’ve already talked to her a little about how her incommunicativeness affects me, and I don’t really feel like I should bring it up again. But I don’t know why the anger still comes.
I need to accept that this is just how she is, and that this is just how things are now.
Have any of you “lost” a friend to a relationship? Conversely, did you ever have to deal with a friend who grew jealous of your relationship? What did you do? Throw them off a cliff? Defriend them on Facebook? Grit you teeth and bear it? What?