I’m not gonna lie to you. It’s been a hard week. This is a week that’s been full of disappointment, swollen eyes, too little sleep, and setbacks. It’s one of those weeks where I’m tugged in so many directions I don’t know where to begin. And furthermore, I don’t even want to begin. So I’ve retreated inside to that place where things are always okay. Bad behavior is given the green light, because I simply can’t cope with doling out self-discipline.
Have you ever done this? Have you ever felt helpless against your own inability to make yourself be good, oh God, please just be good? But I can’t. Not this week. I can’t focus this week. I don’t know how to be productive. This is the week I’m blowing off friends, blowing off emails, blowing off responsibilities. And I’m not that kind of person. I’m that kid who always did her homework first so she could play without guilt.
Who I am this week doesn’t suit me, yet she is very much me. She’s a part of me I don’t like to look in the face very often. But there she is, confronting me every time I look in the mirror. She leaves unfolded clothes right there on the bed. She’s already eaten all the snacks in the house before you can have some. She sees a spill on the counter and doesn’t wipe it up. She never uses a coaster.
And to top it off, her hair is appalling.
This week a couple of things are holding me together by a thread. Those two things are whiskey and music. I haven’t done a mixtape in a while, but I figure it’s about due, especially if it means I get to share my latest musical obsession with you. It’s called “Bad Things” by Cults and I’ve already listened to it forty-seven times this week. I think part of the reason I like it so much is because I whenever I walk out the door, even if it’s just to go to the grocery store, I like to turn around and announce to the people in the room that I’m leaving and I’m never coming back. Which I’d never do, of course, but isn’t it nice to know that you could?
The rest of the mix are some of my go-to tunes that help keep me afloat in rougher waters. Particularly “Keep On Livin’,” which is like my personal anthem for making it out of life alive.
I’m not gonna do the full-out Mixtape Masters masthead and footer here today. Just the music player today, just this once.
Cults — Bad Things
Le Tigre — Keep On Livin’
Black Lips — Not A Problem
Vivian Girls — When I’m Gone
Ani DiFranco — Napoleon (live from Living In Clip)