we accept you one of us

I worked. I slaved. I sweated. I bled. I dreamt. I researched.

I researched.

I researched.

And then? And then!

The day dawned when I was to get my new phone.

I’d decided on the just-released Droid X2 for myriad reasons, among which the two biggest were: 1) screen size and 2) ability to act as a mobile hotspot. It also had a faster dual-core processor and higher-res qHD screen, which are two features you totally just skimmed over right there before jumping to the next paragraph.

So I went to the store. I got the Droid X2. I brought it home. I tweeted this picture of my outsize, claw-like fingers awkwardly grasping my holy grail:

I had a phone.

And then? And then!

I didn’t like it.

No, seriously. I wanted to like it, I really did. I felt so bad about it that I actually dreamt about my inner phone turmoil, which is just about the most ridiculous personal fact I’ve ever typed into a post draft window. But when I woke up, I knew. I knew it was over between us.

The biggest thing that killed the romance for me was the display quality. It had higher resolution, sure, but because of some technical thing I still don’t really understand, it looked fuzzy to me. Colors banded on certain icons and on certain graphics. I could see the pixel gridlines. Simply put: it looked really fucking shitty. Not to mention I was unenthused about the Motoblur skin and Verizon-installed apps, the logos at the top and bottom of the screen and on the backside of the phone, and the call quality which made it sound as if my husband was speaking to me from inside a paper bag. Which are three more things you didn’t bother to read. It’s okay. I’m just going to say I understand and give you a hug now, then run into my room, collapse on the bed, and sob into the pillows after you’ve left.

In short: Dealbreaker. The deal was broken.

So what did I do?

My friends: I went and exchanged my Droid X2 for an iPhone.

I see you out there; your lips curling, a snarl rising from the back of your throat, hair rising on your neck and arms. Them. You’re one of them. You’ve been brainwashed with the rest of the feeble masses. You’re just an empty candy shell with a creamy iPhone filling. Bet you think Apple products are all tits and asses. Ice cream on waffles. French fries dipped in chocolate shakes. Bet you think Steve Jobs shits rainbows, unicorns, and Betty White.

Well, I can’t confirm exactly what comes out of Mr. Jobs — nor would I enjoy being tasked with finding out — but I can confirm this:

I love my new phone.

Oh no! The Apple logo is backwards! What blasphemy is this!

Things I particularly love: the crisp retina display of the screen, the camera that manages to blow away the X2’s camera regardless of its smaller megapixel size, the call quality, its mobile hotspot capability, the (surprisingly!) improved battery life over the X2, and its seamless integration with my MacBook Pro’s applications and my iPod.

[See?!?! See!?!? That makes THREE APPLE PRODUCTS you were clearly ONE OF THEM FROM THE START!!!!11!]

If we're being honest...

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go order a cappuccino and take a lot of artsy Instagram pictures of it.

19 Responses to “we accept you one of us”

  1. Hipster as it may be, I’m jealous. I have the original Droid and I loathe the thing. I’m counting down the days until I’m up for my upgrade so I can get that silly iPhone.

    • Really? I had heard nearly unanimous rave reviews about the original Droid X (maybe you’re not talking about the X?) and so I thought I was being smart when I hopped on the X2 bandwagon.

      But anyway. I am totally an iPhone convert now. Yeah, I said it. I am so happy. I hope the days aren’t long until you can make the switch!

  2. I have a Droid 2.

    Know why I picked that one? Why? WHY?!!

    Because that motherf*cker was on sale 2 for the price of 1 and Craig and I needed some new phones. That is how purchases operate in my household.

    For what it’s worth, I love that phone.

    The iphone/android war makes me tired. Even though I have the droid I feel completely ambivalent to the whole thing. Although, the iphone commercials do give me heart palpitations because they make me feel like I’m getting made fun of.

    • Aww, the beau has a company-mandated work phone on a completely different network than mine, so we can’t do the whole “2 for 1/family plan” deals.

      It makes me tired, too, which I why I decided to make a huge joke out of it. But really. First Apple was the thing to hate, then it was the thing to love, then it was the thing to hate again. I LIKE that Android has become such serious competition. I just didn’t like the particular phone I got.

      Oh, and I also don’t like the iPhone commercials. Tone down the kicky music and smug narrator, plz.

  3. Sigh… I did the same thing. I went to buy the Samsung Galaxy (equivalent to Droid in Australia) and was determined NOT to get an iPhone. The pixels were weird, I didn’t like the apps, the touch screen seemed very slow and unresponsive.

    I left with an iPhone.

    I love it to bits.

    :)

  4. I can’t help it. I’m apple all the way. The moment I had it in my hand it was second nature to me as if it anticipated my needs and desires. And then I knew -it is just better than anything else.

  5. I must admit to not being an Apple user apart from my iPod nano which I finally upgraded some 7 months ago. It’s mostly because I find them horrifically user unfriendly. Especially the stoopid laptops.

    Do you find the battery life a little on the low side? Also, is it really as hard to use it as a phone? These seem to be the main criticisms from people I know who have them.

    • That’s funny. When I was a kid, we had an ancient Apple computer from the 80s. Then around the mid 90’s my parents got a PC, and I got my own PC when I went away to college. I was pretty savvy with it, I think. Then I went back to Apple for my 2nd and 3rd computers, and I am utter rubbish on PCs now. Whenever I have to use one for work, I end up just clicking around going WHERE IS EVERYTHING WHY IS THIS THING SO USER UNFRIENDLY. It’s all about what you’ve gotten used to.

      Actually, I find battery life to be fine. Right now I am charging it every other day, but then again I have not had an occasion to use it heavily (if I’m home near my computer, why not just use the damn computer?). I’ve been downloading a few apps and sending a few texts and making a couple calls and taking a few pictures every day, though, and like I said the battery seems to last 1.5 days. Using it as a phone took a bit of getting used to. There doesn’t seem to be a shortcut for calling a contact directly from the listing of contacts. You have to go into the contact’s record and like, look around for the button to press to call someone. So there seems to be an extra couple of steps from my old phone, unless I’m just DOIN IT RONG. Then again, I hate talking to people on the phone and don’t make a whole lot of calls, so this hasn’t become an issue for me yet. I have noticed that once you do start calling, there’s a directory of favorites and you can just go in there to call someone you call frequently instead of having to scroll through and find him or her.

      Wow, this is an insanely long comment.

      • You have no idea how special I feel right now. No sarcasm!

        Yeah apparently making calls on an iPhone is weird. Jon Stewart and one of my best friends say so.

        This could be a really dense question, but can you run two devices off one iTunes library? I am also yet to figure out how to back up my iTunes library on my external hard drive.

    • Yeah, I have to admit that even outside of the actual dialing and talking experience, it’s odd to hold a straight slab of glass up to your head. Even odder if you try to do that thing where you tuck it between your shoulder and ear if you need to use both hands for a minute. It feels like it’s going to slide out any second. I guess I’m still used to my old flip-phone, which made a semi-V-shape when open and thus made it easier to keep hold of.

      You can definitely run two devices. You can run many of them. It gets limited when you try to share, though. You can only share your library across 5 computers. But I don’t think that’s an issue for most peeps. I only have the iPod and iPhone synced up with my iTunes right now, but it’s cool because you can set it up so that certain playlists sync with each device, if you don’t want your whole library on each.

  6. dude…isaiah has a droid (the evo) that he LOVES and i got the iphone…and even he says most days that he likes mine better. welcome to the club, lady.

  7. I hate that all my electronics are Apple now. I still get flashback to my evil ex who was an Apple fanboy asshole who used to actively make fun of my PC laptop (which I bought because I didn’t have an extra $500 laying around for the same specs as a macbook.) However, I recently replaced said shitty laptop with a macbook and love it (after I got through the readjustment period) and I’ve had an iphone since I got it as a Christmas gift three years ago. I tried to consider something else when I replaced the 1st gen iphone a few months ago… but I love the thing. And of course, I’ve had an ipod for years.

    Hate the fanboy culture. Hate the company (Apple really is the new Microsoft and Steve Jobs is an ass). Love the products, dammit.

  8. ha ha instagram is hell hipster but I still like it, kinda like how I feel about the strokes. also, my husband has an iphone. I believe that the rule is as soon as you get one, it is your responsibility to google answer to questions anyone you’re with has (from lyrics to bad 90’s rap to the most venomous snakes!)

  9. Oh man I love this. I’ve been off the blog world for months, and this is my first return to your blog. Wanna know what I did with three weeks (lies, five) of that blogless time when I suddenly had lots of free time? Stalked a droid forum for info about the HTC Thunderbolt and the next generation iPhone, and when the thunderbolt would come out, and if I should wait for it or just get the iPhone. And I waited and obsessed. And then the Thunderbolt finally came out. And then, after all that, I walked into a Verizon store undecided and walked out with an iPhone.

    No regrets though — I love it and it’s neverending battery life.

  10. All you people are converting. All you people I like and respect. I am a PC. I am an old dog with no new tricks. I don’t think I can switch. But then I see The Candyman poking away at his iPhone CONSTANTLY and I pick up my Blackberry and I’m all, “I’M GOING TO PLAY WITH MY BLACKBERRY THEN!” and then I poke three, four times and I put it down in complete and utter boredom/frustration. I’m not up to renew to an iPhone until January. JANUARY! What am I supposed to do until then? I guess just sit here and play on my PC until McAfee decides to hate me again and I get yet another BSD.

    I hate technology. I think it was invented just to piss me off. And make me feel inferior to Mac users. It’s like the Members Only jackets ALL OVER AGAIN.

  11. Okay, so I’m not thrilled that I am a Mac (my dad worked for IBM for 35 years; he does not appreciate my love for the Mac), and I certainly recognize many quirks/problems. But. But. But it’s just so much easier to use, and I never have to worry about viruses.

    I use my iPhone for everything, and I have to admit I’m a little bit scared that I will lose it (having lost Tony’s at the movie once already) because it contains my entire life — real life, blog life, work life. In fact, I think the iPhone and iTunes and now this whole Cloud business are one giant conspiracy to steal my identity. I am currently resisting Cloud, because I find it borderline creepy, but not having to store all of those old CDs is mighty tempting…

  12. Hahaha. Why do apple converts always sound eerily like newly baptized religious fanatics? 😉 My mom is a hardcore fan and LOVES her iPhone and thinks people who don’t use apple products are naive or stubborn. I have a pc (yes, I hate it and it sucks) and a regular-just-talk-and-text phone. Maybe I’ll switch over someday… right now, I can’t justify the extra expense. And yeah, maybe I’m a little stubborn. 😉

    Did you see the latest Southpark re: the iPad?

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