the breaks

Oh, am I ever in a foul mood. I feel fouler than a duffle bag full of post-game rugby jerseys. Fouler than the mouth of Lisa Lampanelli.

It’s one of those times when nothing is right, and nothing will do. Do you ever go through this? You pace the house, counting all the things that make you mad until you run out of fingers and toes. You take your anger out on inanimate objects. You cuss like a drunken, wretched sailor. You bare your teeth; bare the uglier parts of your soul. You pick fights with your loved ones just to spread the mood around. Just to let some of that ugly steam out of your pressure-cooker core.

If you’re anything like I am right now, and the wind happens to blow open your bathroom window, instead of calmly closing and latching the window you will instead strike it with your fist and scream “STOP IT, YOU FUCKING FUCKWHORE!” As if the window did it just to spite you.

Plainly put, I am full of hate.

I need an outlet, and this blog is my unfortunate target. Dial up a self-indulgent unordered list of Things I Currently Hate:

  • I hate that didn’t set my alarm on Saturday morning and ended up waking up at a mind-boggling 11:00 a.m., like I was back in college again. I hate that instead of feeling refreshed, I just felt like a lazy bastard who was never going to accomplish anything in life. I hate that I then compounded that feeling by squandering most of my afternoon watching online music videos from South African rap-rave group Die Antwoord.
  • I hate that there’s a part in this one Die Antwoord song when the female member of the group sings, “No means yes.” I hate that they also have a song named “She Makes Me a Killer.” I hate that my feminism ruins my taste for things I’d otherwise enjoy unabashedly. But their beats are so good! And I can put it on feel like a total badass, even though I’m merely cleaning my house! But now I also feel all squicky inside! Ehhh!
  • I hate that my old wedding blog is still a trillion times more popular than this blog, and I hate that this even bothers me.
  • I hate that I sometimes let the number of comments on my blog inform my self-worth.
  • I hate that none of my friends call me anymore to go out, because they’re all too busy tucked away at home being coupled up.
  • I hate that I never call any of my friends to go out anymore.
  • I hate that none of my clothes seem to fit me lately, and I hate that because social norms dictate that I dress myself each morning, I end up reminded at every second of every day that none of my clothes seem to fit.
  • I hate that since I quit using Proactiv, acne has bubbled up unchecked on my face and neck and I don’t know what to do about it.
  • I hate that I all too often catch myself mirroring other people’s opinions and attitudes; changing my own to match theirs. I’d be happier and more well-respected if I held my own line even at the risk of some people not liking me.
  • I hate that nothing in life is ever done. You can work on your goals, on your career, on your personality, on your emotional problems, on your relationships, and you can reach new pinnacles in all of them — but what comes up also goes down. Pretty soon your find yourself back at the bottom with a boulder, staring up that hill. Self-reinvention is exhausting, endless, and necessary. I hate that.
  • I hate our neighbors, and I hate how old they make me feel. I hate how every time they crank up their damn music I feel this hot fire of rage and helplessness engulf my stomach. I hate how I got so agitated after an incident wherein another neighbor called the cops on them that I actually clawed myself in the chest during a bad dream later that night — and I’m not an active sleeper. I hate that the scars from my fingernails on my skin are still visible.
  • I’m beginning to hate all the limitations and failures of our little rented house. The house that’s been a constant part of our relationship since the first day I met the beau. The house for which I used to have so much love.
  • The type-A in me hates that we don’t have a plan. I hate not knowing what’s coming next.
  • I hate how I sometimes feel like I’m never going to make anything of myself creatively.
  • I hate how my husband is seemingly incapable of closing a cabinet door all the way.
  • I hate that I forgot to tell my DJ not to play Katy Perry’s “California Girls” at my wedding and he totally did, which then caused my hatred of Katy Perry to increase a thousand-fold.
  • I fucking hate wind.
  • I hate this travesty of a post.

Whew. Okay. Well.

While part of me relishes a good, solid bad mood, another part of me knows that you have to eventually make an effort to move past it. So I’m going to try to counter all the negativity above with a tragically short list of Things I Currently Love:

  • I love that the University of Michigan lost the NCAA hockey semi-finals this weekend, because as a former Spartan, I am conditioned to happily root against the Wolverines for the rest of my life.
  • I love that the Charlie Sheen jokes and references have mostly dropped off.
  • I love that I’ve managed to keep an african violet alive for eight years now, and through a variety of climate changes and long car rides (Michigan to Virginia to California). I love how it started blooming once I moved to California (and, uh, gave it some fertilizer).
  • I love that my husband loves me even when I’m in an exceedingly bad mood.
  • I love sushi.

That is all.

Tell me what’s on your Love/Hate lists right now.

45 Responses to “the breaks”

  1. Sigh. I just wrote a whole long comment in response then somehow deleted it right before submitting.

    Maybe I should just make that my own thing that makes me grumpy. :(

  2. I hate that the plumber is making me pay for his parking, which is by the hour, and he keeps disappearing to get more things from his truck. I’ve already paid $300 for this plumber, and now I’m paying parking on top of it. This, plus the cost of the new hot water heater, is what I am paying for hot water.

  3. Ok, I’ll play.

    Love: my new short hair cut.
    Hate: the fact that I don’t know how to style it yet and sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) I look like a mushroom. Or like a poster in a hair salon circa 1990.

    Love: writing my blog.
    Hate: the fact that it takes up so much time and makes my husband hate our laptop and want to throw it out the window.

    Love: summer.
    Hate: the fact that I live in Scotland. So, no summer. Dammit.

    Love: this blog. Love it hard. And I have NEVER EVEN READ your wedding blog.
    Hate: the fact you are feeling so shitty. If it’s any consolation, I just killed a plant after a week, so keeping a plant alive for eight years, to me, is a pretty spectacular achievement.

    All is not lost.

  4. OMG, my hatred of Katy Perry has grown exponentially, and I’m starting to hate Miley Cyrus less (really?). I BANNED Miley at the wedding and while I didn’t outright ban Katy, I was glad she wasn’t played (if it was now? yes, ban). Also, Bieber. Ew.

    Lady Gaga on the other hand? Yesohyes. :) Also, while I kinda hate the Black Eyed Peas, it’s good wedding-drunk-dancing music.

    And, hon, this was me last month. I’m in a better place this month. Which means, it’s all cyclical.

    A local blogger has a feature she calls And Another Thing. Enjoy. :)

  5. Wish you would have numbers your hates so I could say, “Right there with ya for numbers 1, 4, 5, etc” but I’m too lazy to actually count. I did find myself nodding my head along to many of your hates, though (hate my house, hate my neighbors and their music, hate how my friends never want to go out and do anything anymore since they are coupled up or busy with babies).

    I’ll add a few of my own:

    I hate that my sister had the balls to follow her dream and move to South Africa to study great white sharks. I wish I even knew what my dream was.

    I hate that I am living in Australia, waiting for my fiance to be ready to make the move to California. After 6 years of it here, I’m ready to not be a foreigner for awhile. And I hate that by living here, I miss big moments and small moments in the lives of my friends and family back home all the time.

    I hate that it’s not feasible for us to move back to CA right now, even if Steve was ready, since the job market sucks and I couldn’t use my teaching degree. Not that I use it here, but I know I wouldn’t be going home and working at a call center for $27 and having free healthcare like I do here, now.

    Guess that’s enough bitching for now. Nice to be able to share it on here, rather than dumping it on Steve, poor guy.

  6. Dudette, do I feel you on the “don’t you care about what I have to say when it isn’t about weddings?” angst! I want to keep writing about my personal life at HitchDied after the wedding, but I worry that no one will care and it will give me the sadface because I too am too prone to linking my self worth to my blog traffic.

    Also on my hate list? I hate that Collin ate all the Fritos so there were none left to put in my chili. I hate that I still have to do my taxes. I hate that I’ve been worrying a lot about my weight recently because I “have to” fit into the wedding dress I bought.

    On my love list? I love that it is getting warmer outside. I love Bud Light Golden Wheat beer (don’t judge me!) I love bow ties! I love shrinky dinks. I love your blog!

    • You know, I don’t think it would be so bad if you kept writing at the same blog address after marriage. You’d still have an extra boost from all the built-in wedding traffic. Maybe my ego would be a little better stroked if the stats for both ADW and ADL were combined in one place, you know?

      (Still can’t believe that bothers me)

      I love Fritos. Bad Collin!

      Now I love shrinky dinks, too.

  7. Sing it, sister.

    Today I hate the fact that I find my work unfulfilling. I hate my snotty coworker who is actually my friend but sometimes just drives me insane. I hate that I have to go to grocery store, again, like why can’t fresh food last longer, dammit? I hate that I have to go all the way to Walnut Creek to see the doctor tomorrow, and I especially hate that I have to see a doctor at all.

    On the other hand, I am going to a bunch of shows this spring/summer, and that makes me happy. I just randomly discovered an old friend online, and I love that. I love the spring weather. And I love you.

  8. Re: screaming at the window. Ha, I totally do stuff like that. I’m in a bad mood and washing dishes and the bottle of dish soap happens to have the nerve to fall in the sink? Forget it, I’m done. The dishes can just wash their own damn selves.

    Ahem, moving on. I swear I’m a perfectly logical, rational human being…sometimes.

    I hate that Google Analytics keeps telling me blog traffic is down. And I hate that there’s a perfectly logical explanation for that (hello, infrequent and/or boring posts) but I can’t find inspiration to write anything worth reading lately. I hate that I seem to be in some sort of death spiral of unproductivity at work that leaves me feeling exhausted every day but not having accomplished anything. And I hate that Jillian Michaels kicked my ass via DVD yesterday and now I can hardly walk.

    But I love your blog! And I love that it was 75 degrees outside today even if I only got to experience a very little bit of it!

  9. Love (love!) that you always tell it like it is… Hate that your fantastic writing reminds me that I’m neglecting mine badly. Hate doing the info change that comes with a name change or move (hello DMV helll this morning!)… Love being Mrs. Magic and the new digs in Austin, however many phone calls to the bank. Hate how often lately I’ve been a nagging, disapproving wife.. Love that Mr. Magic is up to the challenge… Thanks for continuing to come here even when you don’t feel like it – your honesty and wit are truly one of a kind!

  10. Oh Em Gee. Not to be a cliche but I feel like I could have written this. Because I am having a Day of Hating Everything. SUCH AS:

    – I hate that I can’t find a house to buy because the only place we’ve loved so far got another offer the same day and we got outbid. We have looked at SO MANY HOUSES since then and nothing else measures up. I want one bedroom and tall ceilings and outdoor space and maybe parking. And I am willing to spend half a million dollars on it, which is an absolutely insane amount of money, and yet is basically nothing in this market. What the fuck, DC?

    – I hate DC and desperately want to leave, but my partner has such an amazing job here that we’re stuck for a few more years at least.

    – I hate that I got my dream job in August only to discover in October that we would be Restructuring in May and so my future here is unclear. I will still have a job, but the chances of it being my Dream Job again are slim to none. GREAT.

    – I hate that I am too paranoid to keep a proper blog, because I love the community of ladybloggers around here. But when I try to write I freeze up and start worrying that They might find it and then I stop being funny anyways, so it all becomes a moot point. (Also, my office is now blocking my site as porn. Which makes me feel like a badass.)

    – I hate that it took me until I was 23 to discover that I did not need to be a Good Girl in order to be smart and successful. (Ie: getting a tattoo will not actually affect your IQ!) I have SO MUCH to tell my 16 year old self. (Dye your hair blue, bitch! I swear you won’t end up pregnant because of it!)(Probably!) Now I am old and Professional and the most I can get away with is a slightly unnatural red. Sigh.

    – I hate that I have gained some weight and my clothes don’t fit, but I also hate that it bothers me cause I feel like I’m giving in to a patriarchal beauty ideal. And then I’m doubly hateful because I am a fat failure. Fuck the Patriarchy!

    – I hate that I have a cold. Sniffle. Although I kind of enjoy sneezing. (Sorry, is that TMI?)

    I’m sorry the wedding site is so popular. I think weddings are just easier to relate to, and attract a very specific set of readers. I personally have a Complicated relationship with weddings/marriage (I don’t want to get married until everyone can, but I love parties so weddings and wedding blogs are superfun….). I started reading wedding blogs (mostly APW) when my partner first broached the subject and I realized that I literally had no idea what weddings/marriage entailed. I’ve kept reading them because of some fantastic writing (yes, I mean you) and because there is a community of interesting young women at this life stage sharing stories and perspectives, and it makes me happy.


    Things I love:

    – I love love love my new Unspecified Commitment ring, which we bought in New York last weekend and refuse to discuss the meaning of because we’re both insane. I love that I found someone as loving and yet commitmentphobic as me.

    – I love that my cats just decided that they like us after four months of being highly suspicious. There is nothing better than a furry cuddle.

    – I love that it was 80 outside today, and I can take walks around the park again.

    – I love that it’s baseball season. Finally.

  11. I hate that I wasn’t a child actress and I can’t do impressions. Or accents. Or made good money that I would have invested wisely.

    I hate that a politician we all thought was dead and buried here in Australia almost was elected to the Upper House in NSW parliament. I love that she wasn’t.

    I also hate that particular lyric from Die Antwoord, it’s been pissing me off since the album was released. I love that you have good taste in music. You seem to have a CD collection a lot like mine. Therefore, good taste.

    I hate that I still have to work crappy jobs for at least 3 and a half more years before I actually get to be a grown up and make grown up money.

    I hate that my freakin’ health is still such a freakin’ issue.

    I love the new albums from Elbow and Glasvegas. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

    I love sleep. Having been up all night, I get to go to bed early tonight.

    I love that I am re-reading one of my favourite books, Ask The Dust by John Fante. I don’t let myself re-read my favourite books more than once a year so I save them up for when I really want and need them.

    I love that I accidentally flipped off this page and went backwards but didn’t lost my comment. THANK CHRIST.

    I hate how dramatic I get when I haven’t slept.

    • Oh oh oh I am going to see Glasgvegas in a couple of weeks and I can’t wait!!!

      Actually, add that to my love list: I love that I once saw Glasvegas play in a shitty little club in a small town just before they released their first album, because I am NEVER ahead of the game when it comes to music (like, ever) so this is a BIG DEAL. Also my husband and I drove there in the pissing rain and then ate fish and chips sitting in the steamy car. It was one of the best days ever. I love small pleasures like that. (I hate that my car smelled of vinegar and fish for days afterwards, though. Can’t have everything.)

  12. OKAY. FIRST.

    I hate wind more than I hate anything else in the world. The second I feel wind, I just LOSE my MIND and it’s nuts. Isaiah always stares at me suspicious when the wind blows the first time…watches the hate in my eyes. Fucking wind.

    some days, I really hate a lot of things…but instead of ACTUALLY letting it rub its mud-butt all over my weekend/day/month/year, I just get ultra snidey and people laugh at my hatred (like people are doing with YOU right at the moment) and i feel better pretty quickly. That sounds…way more pathetic written out. You know what I mean.

    I hope this week picks up and has you hating things a little less. I’m in a FUNK as well. It’s a serious one. Maybe we should fly to Europe for a week to escape all this damned hate. Whadya think?

    • Why does no one understand my hatred for wind??? Wind makes everything worse. Lovely light snow falling + wind = WHITEOUT. Relaxing pitter patter of rain + wind = SIDEWAYS RAIN which makes your umbrella USELESS and the umbrella turns inside out anyway. Let’s not even mention tornadoes and hurricanes. And what about when you get all gussied up and then walk outside and your hair goes all alsgrhaw;oeiasng??? Ugh. UGH. People look at me like I’m crazy when I rant about wind. It’s nice to know I’m not alone . . .

  13. Yes.

    Also, I hate Michigan too! I love that UMD won, even with that nasty hair.

    I love that I grew up in WI.

    I love that I live in CO.

    I hate wind like a mother f#&(er.

    I hate having LATE meetings, but I love cereal for dinner.

  14. I hate that I’m working in an industry that I don’t like. I love that my boss is happy with my work and talking about creating a new position for me. Still…I wish I knew what industry I wanted to work in.

    I hate that I don’t have the time to complete a lot of fun projects on my to do list. I worry that I still wouldn’t complete them if I had the time.

    I hate that I’m getting annoyed with people who look to me for help.

    I love food! I love cooking a great meal for the first time.

    I love doing something random with my wife to get away from the mundane of everyday life. I love exploring new towns. I love your blog!

  15. I hate when people talk on the radio when I want to hear music. If I wanted to hear people yammering on (and often I do), I’ll turn on NPR.

    I hate that Republicans are trying to can NPR even though they get about as much federal funding as military marching bands.

    I hate how stressed and ignorant I am about money.

    I love my coffee. I love that I work in my skull and crossbones pajamas.

    I love that I’m writing.

    I really really love cranky blogs.

  16. I hate that so many of my blog comments have been eaten or disappeared lately that I don’t want to comment on anyone’s blogs anymore.

    I hate that I’m not feeling as funny or insightful as these other commenters here, who have made me totally jealous and self-conscious.

    I hate that Craig went with me to see Jane Eyre last night and I spent the whole movie wondering on a scale of 1-10 how bored he was and I managed to ruin the entire nice gesture he made by accompanying me.

    I love the validation that I’m not the only one whose blog stats plummeted after getting married and feels totally alone out here.

    I hate that I still have to decide on tights to wear each morning in the middle of April.

    I love your blog. I really really do – I jump down to it on my reader when I see that you have a new post up.

  17. I hate: that my roommate lets her cats on the counters when I do not and we have paw prints and cat fur on the same counter where I make my food

    I love: your blog! I did find you through ADW first but I think you and both of your blogs are awesome.

  18. I hate that I dislike how people make me feel at work, without knowing how to fix it.

    I hate that most of my blog traffic is coming from spam sites, and that yesterday I had the most traffic ever and I got all excited and then realised it was all spammers. I hate that even reporting it to Support doesn’t work.

    I love that I am going shopping with my mum tomorrow.

    I hate that I am going to find something wrong with every wedding dress I look at, because I seem to have a mental aversion to wedding dresses.

    I love that you wrote a blog post. I miss them.

  19. I hate that I don’t feel at home either where I live now or where I grew up.

    I hate feeling in a state of limbo, which has been fairly constant for the past three years.

    I hate that I can’t do anything about my completely non-challenging job until we move, which is uncertain. (See hate above.)

    I hate that I feel obligated to do things with/for family.

    I still hate that people assume that I changed my name after I got married, even though I only did it recently (and I hate that I let things like that get to me).

    I hate that I can’t get motivated enough to write for real, and what I got motivated to start (cello lessons), I kind of wish that I hadn’t.

    I love that I have this house to myself today, to play music loudly and Goodwill the CRAP out of everything.

    I love that my best friend and I are taking a much needed weekend road trip in a few days.

    I love that my partner and I are equals in everything.

    I love that I’m (fairly) healthy and am able to get around and DO things.

    (I hate that I’m too lazy to get up and kill that bug over there.)

    I love that this has proven to be a pretty cathartic exercise.


  20. I LOVE reading that other people take their irrational anger out on inanimate objects for DARING to be inconvenient at that specific moment. I thought I was insane.

    And lizzie, like you said, I also love that at least my irrational anger can be entertaining to others – John always laughs at me.

    Now onto the hate (doing this in reverse because positivity is just so overrated):
    – I HATE that I can’t get myself to be productive at work and that it doesn’t even freaken matter, cause no one cares. I just end up feeling like crap about myself.
    – I hate that I am constantly comparing myself to other people and their accomplishments, their happiness, their weddings, their blogs.
    – I hate that it takes me forever to make friends and now that nearly all of my good friends have moved out of province (a whole other thing I hate), I feel like a lamo who never goes out and has no friends.
    – I hate that I’m turning 30 this year and want to celebrate it, but because of the hate mentioned right above, my party would be super lame.

  21. I have vile hates right now.

    I hate cancer.

    I hate that my dad and my future MIL have complained about how inconvenienced they are that we had to cancel our wedding and move it to Arizona so that my mom could be there because she has cancer.

    I hate people. Why are people such assholes?

    I hate that my daughter has so much difficulty navigating social situations.

    I hate that my blog reminds me of the wedding we canceled, and I don’t have time or energy to fix it.

    I hate toilet seats left up so that all of my cosmetics stored in the cupboard above it fall in. Grrr.

    The postal service.

    Things I love:

    My bloggy friends.


    Tony, who lets me complain about his mom and cry about mine and always shares his snacks.

    My kids, who are so loud that they annoy our smoking neighbor enough to send her inside to stink up her own damn house.

    • Can I just say OH HOLY FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!??!?? I’m SO SORRY that my CANCER has INCONVENIENCED you. Dicks. And now I’m adding THOSE people who wronged you to MY list of hates!

  22. I love this blog of yours. I read (past tense) your other one too (and your ceremony post was most helpful) but now reading about people planning weddings just stresses me out and I would much rather here about life after wedding. Or about how wedding might not be such a big deal as we are likely to make it out when in the midst. ANYWAY.

    Right now I hate that I gave up a great job to go adventuring and now I make no money. I hate that I have bazillions of ideas, but somehow the time just gets away and nothing ever gets done. I love that I am interested in pretty much everything, but I hate that this makes figuring out a Life Plan nigh on impossible. I hate how complaining about these things makes me feel like a whiny spoiled brat.

    I love that its springtime and all the bulbs I planted last fall are popping up. I love that I have the support of Cam and his family as well as my own family. I love waking up and setting my own schedule for the day.

    I really liked writing all this out. I hope writing yours was the outlet you needed!

  23. Secret for Complaining Freedom April 12, 2011 at 9:50 am

    I hate that one of my coworkers cost me the promotion that I’ve been working for for seven years with a rumor that’s not even true, and I hate that I can’t even yell at him for it because I’m not supposed to know what happened in that meeting. I also hate that I don’t even know what my dream is. I hate my fucking falling-apart house and the fact that I bought it even with everyone telling me not to buy it. I hate when I act like a feral dog over food even with the person who loves me and is nice to me. I hate that the weather keeps flip-flopping and is only nice on days that I am stuck inside. I hate that one of my clients isn’t going to pay me until this Friday, and I hate that I’ve been counting on that payment for the past two weeks.

    I love African violets. And drugs like antibiotic wipes for my (hated) permanent acne, Seasonale to keep me only hating everything once a quarter, Allegra to allow me to sniff lilacs, and Wellbutrin to keep me from thinking about mowing people down on my way home from work.

  24. RamblingRedhead April 12, 2011 at 10:18 am

    I love all of the comments on here. And that makes me feel better that I am not the only one who has such negative thoughts the last few days.

    I hate that my future parents in law are railroading my fiance and I into the wedding they want and that I was allowing it!!

    I hate that I know that I am a strong person and yet allowed myself to have no voice in the wedding planning.

    I hate that I want a new job and yet have put forth no effort looking for a new one.

    I hate that I feel like I’m wasting my potential–but dont know what that potential is.

    I love that I have resolved as of yesterday to stand up for my ideas and opinions in a rational fair way with my new future parents in law.

    I love baseball

    I love good friends who are there for me when I need them

    I love that my fiance knows that I am insane and loves me anyway

    I love sunshine and hugs and parties and cold beer!

  25. I love: your confession about comments. I feel the same way.
    I hate: hmm. bad drivers. not too much else. the good thing about aging is that much of what used to be irritating now only reminds me that life is life.

  26. Love:
    – new posts from you (I am save them to read later, the same way I do posts from Allie Brosh)
    – my new Clarisonic (goodbye pores)
    – twitter
    – that you guys still talk to me even though I’m a crap blog poster/commenter these days
    – naps

    – boredom
    – work that makes me want to stab my eyes out
    – writers blocks
    – the tax man
    – that none of my clothes fit since the wedding (aka the newlywed 10)
    – stupid drivers
    – loud effing talkers in my office who talk on their cell phone or to each other all effing day long – GO OUTSIDE PEOPLE.
    – stupid ac is so cold my toes are blue
    – that I’m hungry even though I just ate breakfast

  27. Are you in my mind today??

    “The type-A in me hates that we don’t have a plan. I hate not knowing what’s coming next.
    I hate how I sometimes feel like I’m never going to make anything of myself creatively”

    YES. I’m not even super type-a on a normal day, but I get freaked out sometimes that the future just looks so murky. It’ll probably perfectly nice and sunny once I get there, but right now, all I see is fog and it makes me feel uneasy.

    LOL, if I based my self-esteem on blog comments… well let’s just say I wouldn’t get out of bed. 😉 Of course, I don’t put much effort (any?) into mine lately, so I don’t expect much.

    I love sushi, too.

  28. I love this post.

    I totally empathize on the rage thing. I have it currently and just wish it would go away.

  29. Great post, Lyn. It definitely helps to get everything out. It goes without saying, really, but this is one of my favorite blogs. I always look forward to a new post.

    Here are some of mine today, lots inspired by previous comments:

    I hate that I have gotten so bad about calling friends who live out of town… or talking on the phone at all, except to anyone other than my husband and mom. (I have to remind myself that they aren’t calling me either…)

    Like @ramblingredhead, “I hate that I feel like I’m wasting my potential–but dont know what that potential is.”

    I hate cancer, and I hate that I’ve been to so many funerals of friends’ parents (especially moms) this year as a result of cancer.

    I hate that I can’t take more time between my jobs to do nothing and relax.

    I hate that I overschedule myself and am a people-pleaser to a fault.

    I hate feeling like a bad wife sometimes.

    I hate that I am starting to worry about money way too much, and yet I have not drawn up a budget to seriously stick to.

    I hate that my blogging and internet activities bug my husband sometimes.

    I hate that I haven’t read a full book in way too long!

    I hate that I beat myself up over trivial things.

    I hate that my job has made me feel dumber.

    Now, the good stuff:

    I love my kitty! And the puppy, too.

    I love that I only have 3 more days to work at this job.

    I love that it’s baseball season. I love Dippin’ Dots served in baseball helmets!

    I love that our air conditioning is working again at home.

    I love weekends. (Are we there yet?)

    That’s what I’ve got for now… that’s what you get when I write from work I guess. Lots of dislikes, few likes. Anyway, thanks for venting and allowing us to vent too :)

  30. Lyn, you’re rad and so is your blog. Both of ’em, but especially this one for me for now.

    I hope your bagillion comments you’ve got here keep making you smile.

    I hate my gym membership keychain. It stares at me and I am filled with lazy guilt. I miss yoga.

    I hate my computer. The h key is broke and we have to ctrl+v for ALL h’s. There’s a lot of h’s out there. Especially in hate lists.

    I hate that I can’t leave the house without straightening up 10 things in the odd chance that someone stops by or the mailman looks in the window and judges us.

    I hate that I want to write like a motherfucker but I can’t even get over the anxious feeling (like Buttons mentioned earlier) about starting a blog. What if the interwebs Ladies don’t like it/me? I could start by the story about the midget, I guess, and that might help my case…

    I hate that my beloved leaves dirty dishes in the sink for 24 hours.

    I hate the weird fungus I get from books that makes my thumb look creepy.

    I love the lilac bush in our postage stamp sized backyard.

    I love the hunger Games. Like lots.

    I love Eric Ripert.

    I love that it’s coming up on driving with the windows down weather.

    I love libraries. Even working in them, I still love them.

    I love champagne x 100.

    I love lamp.

  31. You guys are awesome. All of you.

  32. I’m late on this. But here goes:

    I hate working alone. I hate how I feel like I never get any work done.

    I hate how I just can’t make myself make an appointment with the dermatologist.

    I hate how every time I check something off the wedding to do list, another thing gets added on.

    I love that the Beagle has finally returned home from his 10 day business trip. I love how I have been able to sleep 10 times better since he returned.

    I hate how snippy we were to each other about wedding related things.

    I hate the fact that my family is currently feuding about my wedding guest list.

    I love that my dress is coming together!

    I love that it finally didn’t feel like winter on Monday and Tuesday of this week. I hate that it feels like winter again yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

    I love that Michigan lost too. As your fellow Spartan, by blood bleeds green. I cannot bring myself to cheer for those rodents to save my life.

  33. There are very few blog posts that make me want me want to meet the author IRL and go out for drinks.

    This is one of those posts. *g*

    Dude, I am SO WITH YOU on waking up late on a Saturday. I get so ANGRY with myself. And no one understands, because waking up late on a Saturday is what you’re “supposed” to do!

    Ditto the feminism-ruins-otherwise-enjoyable-things thing. ARGH.

    The thing that made me slam-the-fucking-door angry this week? Bombing a really important interview. I was so mad at myself for how badly I did, I was on the verge of tears for two days. (And then I got angry with myself for “feeling sorry for myself” about it, which made me feel even worse… vicious cycle.)

    You are a rockstar. Peace out.

  34. Late but I wanna play!

    –social obligations. They make me want to cut a bitch.
    –Having to eat. Some days I Do. Not. Want. to cook, and C looks at me all hurt. When single, I could open a can of chili and eat it cold, or just not eat. Which is why I used to be skinny. And unhealthy, but hush.
    –Feeling fat.
    –‘Friends’ who make me feel fat. Not by being skinny, that I can take. But by only talking to me about exercise while staring at my thighs. Or pointedly saying how fat that shirt makes someone look, and then looking at my stomach.
    –My wedding. I would way rather just run away and have everyone pretend we’d always been married than go thru this sh*t.

    –the end of a school semester
    –music. (Although I too am plagued by feminist sensitivities that drive C a bit nuts)
    –bloggie friends

  35. I don’t know if its good or bad that I agree with all your hates? now I’m all riled up! my wedding blog had 4 times as many followers and I literally have been feeling stressed about not having time to catch up on blogs when I feel like no on even reads mine. also, totally glad mr. sheen is not as prominent in the news.

    just a heads up: people love you. you’re totally hilarious. I adore your honest and awesome blog, sorry I haven’t been a good reader/commentor.

    also, you’re entitled to sleep in every once in a while.

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