doin’ it rong

Hi, guys. Hey. What’s up?

You, uh, you might have noticed I haven’t been writing much lately. This is due to various reasons:

Entirely gratuitous bathroom wall photo that somehow suits the title of this post. Honey, you might want to reconsider this relationship.

  • One, the whole job thing. It’s been nutty! And challenging! And other words I can’t think of right now, so I’ll invent one: hibbityjowg. The last two weeks have seen me dividing myself between old job and new, but that stops today when I send in my final invoice to the old job. Praise Kanye West.1
  • Two, I have been sicker than the dickens. I know, and here you thought the dickens was the absolute sickest one could get. It’s been more than a week now of hacking and sore throat and nose-blowing and ear pain and various eye issues, and then yesterday I got to go sit in a clinic until a very old man with large patches of hair missing from his head could tell me I had pink eye, of all things, pink eye, like I am a 5-year-old who doesn’t wash her hands. Which I am most decidedly not. My reactions were, essentially: A) ew, and B) so wait, now I can’t have margaritas? Like all weekend? And yes, that’s what I’m up against, here: five long days of antibiotics with nary a margarita in sight. Awesome.
  • Three, I quit my new new job and became a trucker, and I still haven’t figured out how to type blog posts while I drive. I’m currently writing this from a truck stop diner in Berea, Kentucky, where I am pleased to report that the waitress actually called me “hon” and then asked me how I liked my biscuit fixed.

So to help fill the gap, I will leave you with an article the beau passed along to me this morning on the kick-sledge World Championship in Norway, which is an entertaining enough read on its own until you get to the part that makes you go WHAT:

Adopting a practice familiar to many adult Scandinavians from their school days, the team that won the exercise race — that walked off proudly with the World Championship trophy — was deemed to be the one that came closest to the average time.

Seriously, WHAT? That would never, ever fly in America, because America is all about the true winners. America, I dare say, is the winnerest. It’s a way of life! It’s the American Dream! Being the best is coded into our very DNA! You work hard, and you will succeed. If you don’t succeed, then you clearly didn’t work hard enough! Or you didn’t have enough money. One of those two things. Obviously.

Fascinating. What a fundamental difference in belief structures. Frankly — and maybe this is my indoctrination talking — I like the idea of recognizing excellence and achievement. I’m not sure I could ever wrap my brain around rewarding someone for average behavior, because where’s the impetus to improve? On the other hand, though… damn, Scandinavians sure do know how to have fun.

What do you guys think? Do you cast your vote in favor of awarding the superlative, or do you think it would be better for mental health all around if we hewed to the median more often? How do you like your biscuit fixed? Are you afraid you’re going to contract pink eye via this post? It’s very contagious, you know. Maybe you should click away now. But not before leaving a comment! Please leave a comment. Your comments are my margaritas.


1 Surely he had a hand in this, right?

16 Responses to “doin’ it rong”

  1. WHAAAT?!? As a scandinavian who actually attended school and sporting events there, I have never heard of this. We’re pretty competitive in sports, which I hated cause I sucked at them! A race to mediocrity would have suited me just fine but alas, I was stuck at the bottom of the pile.

    I’ll have a margarita on your behalf this weekend – or is that just mean teasing?

    • I don’t know, man. Maybe it was different for older generations. Or maybe the reporter was just acting on some kind of assumption?

      Also, I know, right? I would have won way more awards as a youth had the ultimate goal been mediocrity.

      • Haha. I lived in there for several years, and though I have not heard of this specific practice, the idea behind it definitely is a cultural difference I noticed between the US and there. Almost all of the houses were about the same size and style, and there was not a big emphasis to be “better than” everyone else. In school, students were grouped in classes and those groups went through the school system together for several years. The students I knew explained that they were not divided up by levels or abilities (advanced, slower, etc), like it usually happens in the US. It really was a different mentality and it was hard for me to try to understand it, coming from such a different cultural understanding of achievement, work expectations, and extreme pressure to excel. I will say that the pace of life there is amazing; they seem to have a good handle on what is important in life and how to balance priorities. I learned a lot from my time there.

  2. BBC human interest stories are absolutely the best. My favorites ever were about painting elephants (maybe 15 years ago?) and the Curry Chef Crisis ( that I think they may have reported on more than once because I heard it only a couple years ago. Put that style with Scandinavian’s ability to have mad fun and wow! I want to be there.

  3. The one and only time I contracted pink eye was when I was a senior in college. I felt the exact same way you do now. And – it’s freakin’ painful. Hope yours clears up quickly and you’re back to margaritas in no time!

  4. terrible to hear you’re not sick, but truck driving! WOO HOO! movin’ on up, no? ha.
    glad to hear things should be settling down for you with the old job coming to a close!

  5. WOO! Berea! That’s somewhere close to me!! (I don’t know, I moved to this state in August and still can barely get back to my apartment from the bars. I do not claim Rand Paul P FUCKING ESS)

    Wait what?

    We do have pretty amazing biscuits in Kentucky, THAT I’ll claim.

  6. I swear I am the most sophisticated gullible person on the planet because I was all, “You’re driving a truck now? You’re not really driving a truck. Wait, are you really driving a truck?”

  7. Oh dear lord. that’s the best practice ever! I feel like it’s in true Budweiser spirit. 😉

    Truck driving is rad. I’ve had pinkeye from working at daycares and it makes you feel gross. NOT as gross as I felt when I had shingles. That makes you feel dirty (I actually sat on a bench outside student health sobbing and called my mom to wail “I have he-he-herpeeeees!” And oh yes, my ex boyfriend walked by during this phone call.)!

  8. Feel better! I wish you lots and lots of margaritas when you are better!

  9. Heh that’s crazy.. I say go big or go home. I’m all for people being average, because without that we wouldn’t have better-than-average, but I guess I’m pure American on this one. Bring on the fastest/slowest/bestest/anything with an -est to it!

  10. Biscuits with fried chicken and sausage gravy, please! The Loveless Cafe outside Nashville has the best biscuits with chicken and gravy known to humankind.

    I thought about becoming a trucker for the biscuits, but recently mastered the recipe on my own. Less overhead. Better coffee.


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