if this is how i demonstrate my appreciation on the internet, let’s hope you never have to actually meet me in person

Full disclosure: by the time my last post was published I was already feeling a little better. On Sunday the beau had pushed me out the door for wine-tasting and sandwiches, and the resulting heady combination of sun, alcohol, prosciutto, and mozzarella was slowly chipping away at my all-consuming desire to stand on a street corner shaking my fist at the world before collapsing on the ground in a whimpering, feet-kicking heap.

Then you guys left some comments on that post on Monday that made me grin like an idiot. And I went to bed, and I got up, and there were even more comments. Dozens! If comments directly translate into popularity — and I am not suggesting for a minute that they do — then I felt like the most popular person on the face of the internet yesterday.

You officially broke my bad mood. I want to respond to each of you with a formal thank-you letter, a hug, a stiff drink, and a knitted afghan, but since I am behind in my work this week I’m going to just have to settle for a lame collective announcement:

THANK YOU.

As I read each of your comments, I found myself alternately hooting with laughter and shaking my head in agreement. You are a quality bunch of smart, funny, thoughtful people. You deserve to have each of your comments printed on gold leaf parchment and glued to our bathroom walls, but the beau said no because they would cover up his highly-prized collection of horse show posters. So I’m just going to have to continue to cherish them here, in cyberspace.

Still. I really feel like we shared something during our group therapy, you know? I want to commemorate our time together. I want to do something special. Which, uh, brings me to the other reason I’m here.

A couple of weeks ago, I tweeted that I wanted to Photoshop a beard onto a picture of myself so I could see what I looked like with a beard. And, well… last night I did that.

BEFORE:

Nothing out of the ordinary, here. Just another picture of me during my wedding ceremony, doing that scrunched-nose teeth-baring grimace-grin I apparently do all the time, because each of my wedding photos looks like this. I picked this one because it was the best candidate for beard-making. Plus it turns out that in the three photos taken of me during our honeymoon there is a palpable terror in my eyes, as if someone is crouching behind me with a gun to my back, because that is usually how I feel when someone is taking my picture.

I am the picture-taker, damnit, not the picture-takee.

Anyway. BEHOLD, THE GLORIOUS AFTER:

Yes. This is the best way I know how to thank you: simulated facial hair.

You’re welcome. I think.

22 Responses to “if this is how i demonstrate my appreciation on the internet, let’s hope you never have to actually meet me in person”

  1. This makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. On my chinny chin chin.

  2. ok you know how I said John’s playoff beard was a scary display? yeah I take that back.

    • oh a few weeks ago I went to a cross-dressing party (long story) BUT it was the most convincing set of bearded women I had ever seen! rather awesome. and there were a few total hotties among the men.

  3. THIS made my day.

    (I’ve been hoping you’d do this since you mentioned it on twitter ;-))

    Maybe I’ll try one on myself next time I’m having a crappy day.

  4. This would be a successful Tumblr.

    Brides with Beards.

    Anyone can send in a photo and you beardify them. Free of charge.

    I love it! I’m sending mine in!!!!

  5. BEARD ME THAT BEARD!

  6. Fuck “put a bird on it.”

    “Put a beard on it” is my new catchphrase.

  7. ooh…bearded lyn has me all hot and bothered.

  8. As Ke$ha once said, I like your beard.

  9. I think it looks like I just glued a bunch of pubes to my face. Which is kind of what a beard is: pubes for your face.

  10. “Sun, alcohol, prosciutto, and mozzarella” sounds like a dream come true. mmmmm

  11. Hahaha YES. Livin’ the dream! You are hilarious.

  12. Aaaaahahaha. High-larious.

    Also, I’m actually knitting an afghan. So there.

  13. No, thank YOU! This made my day.

  14. I feel like a horrible blogger friend because I missed your bad mood post on Monday. I’m so glad other folks were able to help, just wish I could have too. I’m heading over there now!

    And let me tell you, the beard is epic!

  15. This is the best thankyou card EVER. Also, Brides with Beards SHOULD be a tumblr. Hilarious.

  16. Bahahaha!

    Fuck personalized stationery. There will be a picture of me in a beard going out to everyone who gives me a wedding present.

  17. totally amazing! also, I realize I’m late to the party but glad things are better now.

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